Third floor teachers make the naughty list
All was not well in history teacher Jake Hollin’s classroom on Tuesday Nov. 30. Hollin was the victim of a Christmas tree snatcher.
Walking into room 306, Hollin expected to see the Christmas tree he had decorated with his advisory, the Mighty Ducks. However, he found that the brightly decorated tree had vanished.
The only thing Hollin wanted to know was “what evil, dark, bad, malicious, hater of Christmas could do this and rob my Mighty Ducks of so much joy?”
Where was Hollin’s Christmas tree? Who could have stolen it?
Hollin was immediately on the case, already having a suspect in mind. He knew exactly what to do: check the security cameras of the third floor hallway.
The thieves were easily located on the cameras. “Unfortunately, most criminals are not smart enough to cover their tracks. They left a trail of pine needles,” Hollin said.
Hollin’s suspicions proved correct when social studies teacher Brian Powell and an anonymous student were seen on the cameras sprinting the tree away to Powell’s classroom.
Though the associated student remains unidentified, senior Ryan Eilerman brought the Christmas tree back to Hollin when he was called into Hollin’s room from Powell’s room during the last mod of the day. “[Eilerman] fed me some nonsense about Fendryk stealing the tree, but I knew who the real culprit was,” Hollin said.
Eilerman’s story is slightly different from Hollin’s. “I was surprised to see a real Christmas tree, so I went over to look at it and saw it had an ornament that said Hollin on it, and I wondered why it wasn’t in his room. I thought Mr. Hollin would like to have it back, so, being a good Samaritan, I unplugged the tree and returned it,” Eilerman said.
When Powell was found in his classroom later in the day, he denied stealing the Christmas tree. However, his story does not line up with Eilerman’s.
“I was walking by Mr. Hollin’s room around the time the tree was stolen, and somehow the tree found its way into the back of my classroom,” said Powell, who was unaware that Hollin had caught him on video with the mystery student.
“I decided that the tree was a nuisance and a fire hazard, so I returned it. I would rather have a fire happen in Mr. Hollin’s room than in mine,” Powell said.
So Powell stole the tree, but why he took it is unknown. In addition, the question of who the mystery student accomplice was remains unanswered.
Powell would not respond on this account, wanting to protect the student from any disciplinary action. “I plead the fifth,” said Powell. But the tom-foolery was not over yet.
In the early hours of the morning on Dec. 1, Powell walked into his classroom and stopped short. There was toilet paper all over his room.
Toilet paper was hanging on the ceiling, off the walls, and scattered on the table. Powell, who was previously caught up in the Christmas tree theft, took the toilet paper down before the first mod of classes. “I took it down with all due haste, speed, and agility,” said Powell. Powell claimed to have been able to take down all of the toilet paper with such speed because he was a “butterfly ninja,” making a reference to his advisory group’s name.
“You never know when a ninja will strike,” Powell said.
Powell knew who had done it the second he looked at his door. A FCA Dodgeball poster was taped to the door, making Hollin the prime suspect.
“I stuffed all of the toilet paper in Mr. Hollin’s backpack,” Powell said, thinking he had made a clever comeback. However, much to Powell’s surprise, Secretary Susan Strawbridge called Powell’s room and informed him that there was a package for him.
Powell sent a student down for the package, not expecting what was inside of the package. The package contained the toilet paper that Powell had stuffed in Hollin’s backpack.
Shortly afterward, Powell retaliated. “[My advisory group and I] returned the toilet paper to Mr. Hollin’s room where it belongs,” Powell said.
“It was exciting. We kind of bonded as an advisory,” sophomore Carol Zubrowski said, who is in Powell’s advisory group.
Hollin had another means of retaliation against Powell. He created a video with clips from “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” pictures of Powell, and video camera footage of Powell walking near Hollin’s classroom and walking off in the distance holding something with a student.
“It was simply a way to protect the Mighty Ducks,” Hollin said. “I also happen to know that Mr. Powell enjoys toilet paper and is considering decorating his house with it.”
The holiday season has started with some memorable hijinks and rivalry. Who knows what will happen next?
Click here to view Hollin’s video.
Kirchner can be reached for comment at email@example.com.